Sometime I feel like I’m just counting the days. One more work day, five more days until I get my son while he is with his father, two more days until church, one day since I made what was probably a really bad choice, 33 days since I filed for divorce, 83 days until my son turns two, 111 days until Christmas, 118 days until the new year.
I’m living today, yes, as I can only take one day at a time, but I have to schedule everything. I feel like this is more true now then it was a few weeks ago. I have to schedule everything just so. Work, school, kid schedules, doctor appointments, homework, eating, running, cleaning. I wonder how some people make it through every day.
By no means am I complaining. I love my son and everything I do to make sure he is well and cared for. I love my job and getting up in the morning to go to it. I love school and learning; even the homework! I love to cook, and this I have to love to run! haha, just kidding with that one. I’ve just started running recently.
It’s at moments in life that, such as the other morning, not only is my car in the shop (because it suddenly chooses now to leak gasoline), but my grandmother’s car which I am borrowing decides to get a flat tire, which require putting air in twice a day…that I start feeling the resentment of having to be a single mom. I’m supposed to have a husband to help me with this stuff and to balance life. Now would I rather be a single mom then in a loveless or damaged marriage? Yes. But it still has it sucking moments.
Again, I’m not complaining. I have been really blessed in my life even if there are times (and sometimes it feels like it happens all at once!) that life gives me more trouble than I think I can handle. And you know what, I can’t handle it. So I pray. I pray a ton, and I turn to my closest friends for help when I really need it. I have an amazing support group. My friends, family, and church are so supportive of all my choices, even if they sometimes don’t agree.
What was the point of this blog? I started it last night when I was really tired because I had the first paragraph that wouldn’t leave my mind. I’m not 100% sure id there was a specific point to this blog. It was mostly me musing about having to count the days. It used to be the only thing to get me through the day, especially when my ex wouldn’t return my son. I couldn’t think of anything but the countdown to when I would get him back. But everyone is always counting to something right? I mean, people are so scheduled and organized now. We even go to sleep with something that counts the minutes until we have to wake up! (clock and alarm in case you were wondering haha)
Well for now, this is what I write. I’ll try to have a new post tomorrow about the awesome girl’s night out I had tonight, but right now I’m super tired!