I don’t spend a great deal of time looking at myself, or in mirrors. It’s not that I avoid them because I don’t like what I see, I just have too much else to do to spend all day acting out the play of Narcissus. I get ready in the morning, and I make sure I don’t have anything on my face when I’m washing my hands in the bathroom. Other than that I’m not gawking at my good looks, haha.
However yesterday I looked up into the mirror while washing my hands and stopped. Then I just stared at myself for a minute. I honestly didn’t recognize the person looking back at me. It wasn’t because I had straightened my hair, or was wearing contacts or anything like that. I’m not sure how to explain it exactly. It’s not even that I looked different from any other day. I looked the same. I’ve looked the same my whole life. Seriously, look at a picture of me as a kid, look at me now, and I guarantee you’ll say yep, same person. There was just something that was different. My face, my posture, my eyes.
Honestly, I can’t place my finger on it, but I kind of liked it. I liked how I looked. Perhaps there was an age on my face, or just my experiences have changed me. Perhaps I’m finding a new, better me. Which I’m down with. I suffer from depression, and sometimes it gets in the way of my life. It’s weird, you could say something little and not even remotely offensive and I will just lose my mind (in sadness, not anger.) But I’m getting there, trying to control it a little better.
I’m finding myself, my new self, and I’m going to be the best damn me around. haha