Commitment has been on my mind a lot recently. No surprise there really, but I wonder if people really know how to commit. Yes, some people do. One of my co-workers just celebrated her 40th wedding anniversary. Congrats to her I am super excited for her! At the same time I always feel a small sting when a friend celebrates a wedding anniversary right now, or they are about to get married, or they’re pregnant. Crazily enough the Ex and I were going to try for another baby when we got married, and then ya know, we divorced. God I hate writing that word, but it is what it is, and while I can say that he was not committed to me or his family, I am committed to my new lifestyle. Though I must say I don’t really have a choice in the matter.
I am committed to being a single mom. The best mom I can be, single or otherwise. I’m seeing this guy right now. His name is Ben. (Jacob and I are still friends, readers, don’t worry. He’s a sweetheart) and while I hope Ben and I stay together I ultimately know my full dedication and commitment is to me and my son, making sure we have a good and stable life.
Though I wonder about commitment. Are you committed to something until it is so broken that you can’t fix it? I was 100% committed in my marriage up until the point where I said I need you to choose me and kids, or her. I held to my vow until the last moment. But now our divorce is being finalized and he hasn’t asked once to try and work on it, or expressed any interest in working things out. Not once. So I’m committed to my new life. Creating the best life I can no matter what.
But I wonder what if you were so committed to something, marriage or otherwise, that even in those moments of extreme doubt, sadness, confusion, whatever, what if you pushed though. What if you decided, hey, we are in this together. I made a vow, I made a commitment, for better or for worse, and I am going to hold to that vow. What if you met a person and you said we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. We’re going to fight, and we’re going to love, but by God we are going to make it. Is that how it is supposed to work? Whether you’ve been together 10 minutes or 10 years, is that how you are supposed to approach it? Its how I thought you were supposed to. I’m not sure. It’s 10:36 PM right now. I’m not sure if I am rambling, or just how real this is right now. I’m just thinking I suppose.
I read an article on dating the other day. God that sounds so lame. Ha! Anyway. I don’t remember it verbatim or anything, but it essentially talked about how dating was ruining marriage because it allowed to you pick and choose whether you could deal with a person’s problems/faults/baggage/whatever, instead of committing to loving the person despite their thoughts. It was actually really interesting. I asked Ben his thoughts on the article, because I’m ballsy enough for that alright! He was interested in the idea of it, but he had a very valid question, but I don’t recall if the article addressed it. He asked how you were supposed to know if you wanted to marry the person if you didn’t date. I took the article to mean extensive dating is ruining marriage. Like those people who have been together 5+ years but aren’t doing anything but dating, get your crap together and commit. You’re right there anyway. But heck I almost wonder if even a few years is pushing it. Back in the day there was this thing called arranged marriages, yeah you remember those? They still happen, and guess what, those people stick together. Granted they are typically Indian or third world, Middle Eastern countries, but I know some really happy couples who had arranged marriages. Do they fight? Yeah. Do they work through it? Yeah. Does it always work out? Probably not. But the point is they committed.
I have honestly thought, for like 5 seconds, to say screw it. I’m going to marry so-and-so, and I’m going to make it work. And then I laugh hysterically over the idea of any guy going along with that notion, but it was a good laugh.
I digress. This is a super long post and I think I officially stopped making sense like two paragraphs ago. It’s time for me to sleep for I have work in the morning. If you have read this post in it’s entirely, thank you my dear readers. Thank you for sticking with me and being as committed to reading this blog as much as I am to writing it. Leave me your thoughts! I’m really interested in your opinions!
Free to Keep Breathing 