When you have depression there is no guarantee how you will wake up feeling that day. You can wake up happy and exuberant, or you can wake up and then just crave going back to sleep, and not because you haven’t have your coffee yet. And when you are dating someone with depression you don’t know whether you will be greeted with the happy person you love, or the depressed person you love.
I’m not certain I am making sense yet. Let me clarify. As I stated in part one of my Life Happens series, if you have depression you usually doubt that you are “good enough.” Most of the time you feel as if you are incapable of loving and being loved because you are too exhausted to try, you’re going to drive them away, or who would love someone like you? You teeter on the edge of caring too much (and often too fast) or not caring enough (which is when you usually pick a fight).
Why do you love me? I have asked this question, and I’ve been given a multitude of answers. I don’t doubt the sincerity of what they’ve told me because I can honestly say it was not my depression that caused a break up.
A commonly used phrase is “You can never love someone until you love yourself.” It’s so much easier said than done. Because when you have depression you do not love yourself all the time. And if you can’t then how are you supposed to love someone else?
I can’t answer that because I am still trying to figure it out. I have been in love. I have loved. Sometimes it was hard because I would push them away when things got hard for me, but they held tighter because they understood and they loved me. They loved me through my depression until I was able fight through it. I loved them all the more for it.
There is someone out there, and maybe you already know that person, but whoever they are they will love you completely, depression and all. They will love you when you’re crying in your sweatpants or when you’re wearing a pretty dress out to dinner. They will love you standing or curled into a ball. They will love you, and you will be more than enough.
If you do suffer from depression I recommend talking to a friend, pastor, or counselor. Talking does help, and when you have depression it will have to be an open conversation with your partner. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, or talk to your doctor. They will not judge you, but they will help you.
One of my favorite blog posts on loving with depression can be found here. It is an excellent post, and truly defines what I have tried to convey in my own post.