So many bits of life…

We are a week into November and I am just wondering where the time has gone. At the library we are stamping books for a December return by date, the stores have Thanksgiving stuff everywhere, and it looks like Christmas threw up. Now, I love the holidays. I love the idea, the decorations, the meals, the family time, everything. This week I am hoping to get some time to decorate and make my house nice and pretty! I need a good change at home.

I am expecting the next couple of months to be a little hard for me. I am a very family oriented person, and I love doing family things this time of year. However, my family is very scattered this year and I don’t think much will be happening. My mom, sister, and brother are in NC, and don’t have the money to travel, my other sister is in Germany for the next six months with her husband, my own little family is broken, so that leaves me, my son, and my grandparents here in little ol’ KY.

Ben (the boyfriend) has invited me to his family’s house for Thanksgiving lunch/dinner. And I have to share Xander since it is both his birthday and Thanksgiving. While I don’t want to I know I have to, but it’ll be okay. Speaking of his birthday, I’ll be doing it the day before (on the 26^th) so that we’ll be able to have a nice birthday party for him. It’ll be small, but fun! I have a friend coming from NC to spend Thanksgiving here since his family won’t be doing anything.

Speaking of boyfriend, the Ex knows of his existence, and wasn’t too happy about it. I guess he thought I would wait for him to make up his mind. I waited for almost three months, and now I have to try and be happy, not pining for a man who may or may not want me….but it did break my heart to see him upset that I was with someone else. Maybe he does love me and was just trying to work through stuff.

I don’t know. I know that I would do anything to fix my marriage and have my family be whole. I told Ben I wasn’t over my Ex. He said he doesn’t expect me to be over him so soon…it’s all very confusing, but I’m going to keep going one day at a time; just making it through one day at a time because thinking about the future is too hard. I’m doing a lot of praying right now. I rely heavily on Jesus and growing in Him and His plans for me.

I am attending a Ministry training community group at my church so I can join the ministry team. But I also think it will help me grow closer to God, which is something I definitely need right now. I can say for sure that I’ve pulled close to Him since the decline in my marriage, and now that I am struggling to do this on my own, I am relying on Him even more.