Peace in your heart

There is something about the feeling of freedom and peace. When you’ve been struggling for days and days, and life seems insurmountable, but then suddenly you have a day where the pain wasn’t so bad. It was like peace had been planted in my heart. I read a verse earlier today that said “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9.

I’ve been discouraged many days now. I was relying on the Lord, but I wasn’t letting go of my fear or my struggles. I was letting them control me. I’ve made a few decisions in the past couple of days that have released the suffering in my heart.

For example, I expressed to Ben that I felt hypocritical dating him and still loving my husband. I told him I felt guilty thinking about my ex when I’m with him and it wasn’t really fair. He tried to fight it at first but then he realized he was asking something of me that I didn’t have to give. My love has been given to another man, and until our soul-tie is broken I can’t give my love to anyone else. So we mutually decided to break it off. I haven’t felt so much relief in a long time. I know that’s funny to here, relief from a break up, but I knew that relationship wasn’t something to be in right now. I was struggling with God for control of something, struggling for the feeling of love, forgetting that God loved me first and adores me.

The second decision I made was setting a limit on how much longer I would wait for my ex to make a decision. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. “Love suffers long,” says 1 Corinthians 13:4. I have suffered long, but I know the Lord does not plan for me to endure this heartache forever. He has plans for me. He loves me. I told him I would wait one to two more weeks for him to make a decision before I was done and I would officially move on.

I woke up tired, but I felt like there was a weight lifted off of me. I went through my day less anxious, I thought of the separation less, and I felt happy. I was midway through my day when I noticed it. Maybe it was the decisions I’ve made, maybe it’s my medicine kicking in, or maybe it was God and a million prayers. Whatever it was, I am incredibly thankful to have some of the weight lifted off my heart.