Oh the waiting game. Wait, wait, and wait. There are moments in life that seem to stretch into eternity as we wait. The anticipation of a pregnancy test result, the moments right before birth when the world is in total chaos, and then suddenly a tiny miracle emerges. The seconds before the starting gun fires to signal the beginning of a race. The time you have allotted for someone’s response to a question.
Several days ago I gave my husband (ex, ex-husband??? I don’t know what to call him anymore), I told him he had a couple weeks to decide what he wants. He can choose me and our children or not. But if he chooses his family then the other woman cannot be in our lives. And we have to talk to a counselor or something. In the mean time I get to wait. It’s not an anxious wait though. I’ve never been a patient person. I like answer immediately. So while the waiting is hard because I don’t like being idle, I’m not overwhelmed by the wait.
What I am is very tired. I am exhausted. This week I feel spent emotionally and physically. I am exhausted from the emotional roller coaster that has been my marriage, as well as my attempt to get over my marriage. (Let me tell you that never ends well.) I am emotionally tired from having the split time with my son, and the few times I have seen my daughter. I am physically exhausted from running around constantly. I run around at work, not all day. We were slow most of the week, but the last two days I felt like I never sat down. Then I run around at home, usually after my son. I run to class, to the store, to here, to there. I’m constantly moving. I’m also exhausted mentally. I’m trying to keep up in school, teaching Xander, create a realistic budget, solve work/home/family problems/issues/whatever else. And I’ve been reading blog, after blog, after mommy blog, after How-To so I can get an idea of exactly what the hell I am supposed to be doing right now and how to do it. I need some rest. Which I think I will get this weekend.
I get to sleep in in the morning. I don’t have a baby to wake up me up at 7am. I don’t have to work or go to an appointment. I don’t really need to get anything urgent from the store. Ariana will be at my house at 10:30 or so to start our girl’s weekend. Which I am incredibly excited for! But it’s going to be low key and I can’t wait….well, yes I can because I’m going to sleep as long as I (reasonably) can.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot I want to do tomorrow too. I would like to get a few assignments in before I get busy. The semester is coming to a close faster than I am comfortable with. I also want to organize my desk and some of my kitchen cabinets. I found a few new recipes I want to try as well. We’ll see how the day goes.
*Note. I think there was more I wanted to say, but I’m pretty sure my brain is quitting its ability to coherently function at this hour. I’ll post again tomorrow 🙂
Free to Keep Breathing 