You know how sometimes you get so excited about something, or so nervous, and you suddenly let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding? I feel like that a lot. Yesterday my son had an allergy panel done because we couldn’t figure out what was causing his eczema to be so bad, as well as a constant cough that no medicine seemed to help. I certainly let my breath out after the result. I’ve been keeping my son in a bubble almost trying to keep him healthy. That includes keeping him from foods and allergens that I know I am allergic to, which is nearly everything haha.
Turns out he has no food allergies (thank God!) but he has year round seasonal allergies and is allergic to a bunch of different molds (like me). Now we have to formulate a game plan to keep his skin and allergies at bay, which should be easier since we had a good freeze last night and most of the pollen should be gone now. The doctor did say we could get a dehumidifier, but goodness they are so expensive! He didn’t say it was necessary, but anything I can do to help my baby makes me feel better.
My son isn’t the only thing that makes me hold my breath, though most often it is. School right now, has my lungs trying to constrict because of the stress. I’m supposed to graduate in December with my Bachelor degree, but of course I have to pass all of my class. The stress from the pending divorce (which is a whole other story at this point) caused me to have a break down. I’m trying to put myself back together because I seem to have forgotten how to function on my own. Thankfully my professors are letting me submit some of my work late so I can bring my grades up.
I also seem to be holding my breath concerning a certain man in my life. At this point I don’t even know what to call him. He…is…trying…I guess…it’s still very complicated, and I’m very confused. I’m praying a lot, and taking some space to think about what has to happen for us to work, which would ultimately break someone else’s heart. I have considered just taking my son and running away so we can be happy together somewhere….now I wouldn’t really do this because I would get in a lot of trouble. But I need an uncomplicated life right now. Every day brings new problems, but thankfully everyday also brings new mercies.
God is good. He is life. I know that no matter what I do as long as I follow God and keep my faith in him everything will be ok. I just have to remember to breathe.