There are several types of depression. Not all of them require daily medication, not all of them even occur daily. My depression is daily. I struggle with it every single day. Now, that is not to say I am sad every day, not at all. Some days I enjoy the entire day in happiness or contentedness. Other days I struggle to get out of bed, eat, or even smile. Most days though I have both feelings. For example: Sunday I was on my way to church. My son was in the back seat. I was driving, sipping on my coffee, and laughing at his singing and dancing. At that moment in time I felt a great peace and contentedness with my life. I stayed that way for about half the day, and then my ex upset me, and poof, enter the depression.
There are days that I am terrified that I am going to fail as a mother. I am terrified I am going to screw something up. I’m afraid of not being able to provide, but I know even though I struggle I do have people to help. I’m afraid of messing up at work. I feel very secure in my position, but when I am depressed I do not take criticism well at all. Seriously, if I’m in a down swing already and I receive criticism (constructive or not) I just plunge deeper and it usually requires a dose of my anti-anxiety.
I am not ashamed of taking medicine to help me fight my illness. I am not going to let the stigma of depression define me. I take my medicine like I am prescribed to be able to function normally in life and society. So that I can be the best I can be, especially for my son.
I never know waking up how my day is going to be. I may be happy, I may be sad, or I may fluctuate between the two. During my day though I will stop and remember to be thankful. I am alive and (mostly) healthy. I have a beautiful amazing son, even if I have to share custody with his father. I have people who love me. I have a God that is good and full of mercy and grace.
Free to Keep Breathing 