Life sometimes demands the hardest of choices. And the problem with these choices is everyone has an opinion on what you should do and they always think they are right. Often I myself don’t know if it is the right choice. Sometimes I feel like I am at a crossroad. Both paths will take me to the same place, but one is a more difficult. Ok, by now I’m sure you’re all bored with my philosophy. So here was the choice.
I was going to try to work things out with my husband if he would let go of his other woman. He was supposed to decide today… But the closer the date got, the more pain and questioning I had. I don’t know how to love him anymore. The way I loved him before just isn’t working. There was so much betrayal. And I don’t feel like he can give me what I need from a husband. I’m just not ok romantically right now. My heart isn’t whole.
The only one I am clinging to right now is Jesus. He is my Rock, my Sword, and my Shield. I know I can overcome anything with Him, but this is not something that is going to be fixed over night. It hurts, I’ll be honest. My ex is hurt too, but I just can’t. And I know people are going to question my decision. I know are few were shocked I would even take him back. I had to try though, but kissing him didn’t feel right. Being so angry at him sometimes (and often for no reason) didn’t feel right.
I don’t know if we’ll be able to save our marriage in the future. Or maybe we’ll both find happiness with other people. I just know everyone has to make this decision on their own. Some women are able to repair their marriage. Some can’t. But it is each of our own choices and only we can make that choice for us and our children who are often caught in the middle.
If you are a single mom, recent or veteran, if you are thinking about going back to your husband, remember that it is your choice. You are encouraged to seek advice if you like, but make sure that advice is sound. Trusted unbiased friends, pastors, counselors, there are people to help and you are not alone. Make the choice that you can live with, not what society tells you to. Now, if he is beating you DON’T GO BACK. But otherwise, the choice is yours.