Be still, my beating heart

This evening after I returned home from work I was sitting beside my son on the couch, playing with something on my phone, while he sat and watched cartoons before dinner. I looked up for a moment to check to see if he was okay. And then my heart just kind of skipped several beats and I fell so deeply in love with my son again. I, me, this silly little woman I am, created a tiny human inside me (of course with the help of his father and our amazing God). And then, not only that, but I carried him inside me for 9 months. 9 beautiful months of nurturing him, caring for him even before he was born, feeling him play before he was outside.

It was overwhelming. I was nearly in tears.

Just look at those tiny hands clasped together. His face is serene and relaxed, unguarded and content. He is so handsome. Oh what joy this little creature that I birthed creates in me. Most days I struggle through life. I love my son, and I make sure he knows it everyday, but today I made myself realize there is a beautiful tiny human in my life who I love with everything in me. He calls me Mama, sometimes Mommy, and sometimes we make each other mad, but at the end of the day he snuggles up so close I’m sure he’s trying to find a way into my body again. haha

He melts my heart with his funny looks. The way he will look at me and I see that he loves me, or that he’s about to do something he knows he should not do. He is such a miracle. I know, I know, most of us feel that way about our children, but something you just realize, oh my gosh…I…we…we’re alive…breathing…loving.

Often we are being silly and laughing. Rolling around on the floor in his playroom. Here I’m just saying he is doing “Baby Yoga” but in reality he was doing some crazy rolling/falling thing while saying “woah!..woah!!!” And then a ninja kick….seriously, this boy has some flying feet of fury!

And don’t forget that turtle needs a diaper too!

My heart never rests with this boy around. Either from love or anxiety as he leaps of another surface he knows he shouldn’t be jumping off, or even be on. But I would never trade a single day I’ve ever had with him. He is the love of my life. He is God’s greatest blessing. He is my living, breathing son. I love him.