Well, Christmas has come and is almost over. The festivities are over, but there are still two and a half hours left of the day. I’m having a sleepless night, which has been happening more and more often lately. I just can’t sleep. So I’ve been working on this post in my head most of the day; reflecting on my first Christmas as a single mom.
It was not a bad day. It was actually quite lovely, with only a few hiccups here and there. I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to give my son a good Christmas, but he had an absolute blast. He doesn’t know who actually got his presents, nor does he probably care. He’s just happy to have a new race track, trains, blocks, etc. He had a good Christmas, and so did I. Did I buy everything under the tree? No. My grandmother and a friend bought most of them, but I was able to save enough back to get him a few extra things I knew he had been eyeing at the store.
Was it difficult for me? Yes. It was my first Christmas as a single mom. The first one where my family wasn’t together. Even my own blood family, we’re scattered around the world right now and couldn’t be together. It’s okay, we all celebrated individually, but it was strange not all being together. I wasn’t able to get him everything, but I got him what I could and seeing the joy on his face was enough.
I’m happy with how the day turned out. While it was only my son, grandmother, and I for most of the day, it was nice I had fun helping Xander unwrap his presents, build his toys (but oh God did I get frustrated over that race track ), cook dinner (it was delicious!), and play with my baby boy; who absolutely shocked me this morning. He crawled out of bed and stood beside it. I couldn’t figure out what he was standing on to be so tall….he was on the floor. I swear yesterday he was only as tall as my bed, not a full head taller. When did that happened?!
It’s okay, I’m enjoying watching him grow into a young child. My baby is getting so big. It’s crazy. I remember him being a tiny embryo in my body, now he’s a running, talking child. Wow, time flies, but I’ve never loved something more.
I’m thankful God has given me the ability to provide for my son, even if those provisions are not exclusively mine being given. I have wonderful friends and family who have made sure Xander and I have everything we need whether it is food, clothing, or anything else. Do I have a daily worry of how I am going to make it and provide for my son? Oh yes, but I turn that worry over to God. He is in control and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m so thankful for Jesus and all He has done for me and continues to do. He is my Shepard, I shall not want. He has plans to prosper me. God is so good. Sometimes you just need to let Him be God.