My darling daughter,
I think of you every day. I think of your smile and your laugh, the beautiful way you would spin around the house. I think of the way you watched me getting ready in the morning, memorizing the things you would do one day. We shared lipstick and hairbrushes, but you were too little for my clothes. I loved to dress you though. I loved picking out your outfits and doing your hair, even though your baby fine hair frustrated me and drove me nuts.
You are so smart and talented. Yes, I know I often lost my temper with you. I know I could be impatient and demanding. I just know how amazing you are and all the potential you possess. I know you wanted attention, but I was always busy. I was trying so hard to make sure you had everything you needed and wanted that I forgot to listen to what it was you were asking for.
I’m sorry I didn’t hug you more, let you cuddle closer, or play with you more. I’m sorry I didn’t read another book, even though we had read two or three already. I’m sorry I was so exhausted all the time. I thought if I could just push through my last semester of school then I would have more time to spend with you. I miss your hugs. I miss how you would run through the house to throw your arms around me when I got home from work, or from when your daddy picked you up from the sitter.
I love you. I miss you so much, every day. I won’t speak ill of your daddy, but I hate that he keeps us apart. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it work with your daddy. I loved him, still do in some small way, but sometimes mommies and daddies don’t get to stay together. Sometimes they just don’t work. It’s not your fault baby, okay? You did nothing wrong. I know there have been Sundays that we’ve held each other and cried. It’s the only day I get to see you, but daddy’s been leaving you at home lately. I miss you.
Do you want to know a secret? I fell in love with you before I did with your daddy. You brought us together with your bubbly, outgoing personality. I remember you came into the cafe I was working at one evening with your daddy and uncle P. You sat in my lap and ate my dinner instead of yours. We had never met before. You both came in the next day and your daddy let me watch you for the afternoon. After that we were inseparable.
You’ve told me some of the things your grandparents have said to you. No matter what anyone says I will always, always be your mommy. I will always love you. You will always be my daughter, my first child. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t carry you for nine months. I had the blessing of raising you for three years. I love you baby girl. Always.