I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to go through the pregnancy, I wanted to go through birth, and I wanted to raise a child. The only problem is the doctors told me it would be very unlikely that I would, but not exactly why. I tried for years anyway. I still hoped. You may have noticed from my blog and from my picture that I have kids. One step daughter and one biological son, who was one of the most pleasant surprises I have ever had in my life. He is the only successful pregnancy I’ve had. The question that plagued me is, why?
For years I thought I was broken, that there was something seriously wrong with me. Infertility can be a hard topic to deal with or talk about. For a while everyone kept saying, “test, test, you might be pregnant.” I had some of the symptoms (part of PCOS is not having a period), but I knew that I wasn’t. Over the years I have taken more pregnancy tests that I can count, and all of them came out negative save one. Most times were accompanied by several moments of sadness and a couple times there may have been tears.
I went to the doctor yesterday for some answers. I have been to the doctor searching for answers before, but none of them could ever find anything wrong. I had some abnormal cells, did a biopsy, repeat, but still nothing. After an incredibly uncomfortable ultrasound the doctor discovered cysts where eggs should be. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.
It sounds kind of terrifying, and is also one of the most common reasons for infertility in women, but the best news is it is treatable. While it can be disheartening to hear that your body doesn’t work, it is reassuring to hear that it and all the effects it had can be reversed.
Now I have my answer.