Recently I wrote a post about feeling guilty when I don’t write. During the last week I was questioning whether I should renew or cancel my domain. *Hint: I forgot to cancel it so now it’s a moot point, ha-ha)
Regardless though I was wondering why I was writing this blog to begin with, especially since I was becoming lax in posting new material. When I started this blog a year ago I was in a bad place. I was a newly single mom, getting divorced, and going through hell. I wasn’t strong enough to both hold my life together and function normally. It happens.
Over the course of the year several things changed. I accepted and adapted to my new role as single mom with the help of many friends (especially my bestie Ariana) and family. I met a few people I made great connections with, and when things got too serious we parted ways. Coffee guy and I had a lot of fun talking and visiting, but driving to Berea so often was too hard on me. Then when he said the “L” word I fled. We haven’t spoken for quite some time and I probably will never speak to or see him again. I wish him the best though, because he deserves it.
I also got really close to Ariana and her family during this time. They were truly a blessing to me.
I learned a lot about myself during this period too. I know you probably want an example, but they were mostly internal things that I don’t know how to describe. For those of you who know me in real life, you can attest to this.
About 10 months later Roger approached me at church wanting to work on our marriage for real. With lots of compromise, hard work, and some fighting we did it. By no means do we have a perfect marriage, and I wouldn’t even say it is flourishing, but something good is happening between us.
I dug my heels in for a while first. We were trying so hard and weren’t getting anywhere. I still resented him and was on edge most of the time. I had just adjusted to being single mom, I didn’t really want to turn my world upside down again by trying to fix a broken marriage. I prayed a lot. Finally one day I was done. I was frustrated and couldn’t focus on work. I text Roger that I was done trying. We weren’t getting anywhere.
Reading that back after I sent it I realized how it sounded, and that’s how he took it too. Until I explained I didn’t mean I was done trying to make our marriage work, I was done trying to make it perfect and like the past year had never happened. That one decision did more for our marriage than anything else.
We will never have a “perfect” marriage, but we can have a good one if we give each other the chance.
But how does this relate to my writing? Over the past year my blog transitioned through several different topics and stages. Single Mom, Divorcing, Food, Coping, Depression, Dating, Struggles, Parenting, Kids in general, and finally reconnecting with my husband.
I think I really started disconnecting from my blog when we rekindled. I was too anxious and closed off to write anything, plus I didn’t want to reveal everything if my marriage went south again. I don’t generally hide things, but some stuff is too personal and close to home to put out there. And I’m pretty liberal with telling people about my life.
Good God, where am I going with this exactly?
I think what I am trying to say is even though I was thinking about shutting my blog down, or at least just not writing, I’m not going to. I’m going to continue to write on here, and mostly about whatever comes to mind. Not only because I forgot to cancel my membership, but because it seems every time I think about not writing someone has come up to me to tell me how much they do like my writing. They enjoying reading my posts and knowing about my life.
Until next time readers!