So in several of my posts I mention coffee guy, or Jacob. He is a sweet heart, really. He was always a gentleman, very sincere, passionate, sweet, kind, cooked for me, made me feel special, and loved. And he was super intense. I wouldn’t say we were falling for each other, but the time we shared was incredibly intense and intimate. And perhaps that scared me. I know I didn’t want a relationship with him because at the time I wasn’t mentally balanced enough to handle one, especially long distance. I pushed him away because I needed some space to breathe and think. I’m still very much in love with my husband. That doesn’t go away overnight or just because my Ex loved someone else, because those are my feelings. I was committed to him for a long time and I don’t know if there will be a day where my heart forgets that commitment.
So after I pushed him away I felt bad because he had no idea what was going on. I was freaking out in my own little head. I craved seeing him because I missed the intimacy we had. So I saw him one last time. It was good, but my mind kept straying…I wasn’t all there, and I knew it wasn’t fair to either of us. So I let him go. He didn’t seem to take it too well, and I can’t blame him. But he is better than what I was giving him and him to me. We both are. I won’t be with someone who I can’t give my heart to. I told him from the start not to fall in love with me, and that I wasn’t looking for a relationship or anything steady.
I know he will make some woman very happy one day, but that woman isn’t me. Not because he couldn’t make me happy, but because I can’t make myself happy right now. All that being said, coffee guy, thank you for the wonderful time we spent together, for making me laugh, making me forget my troubles (if only for a time), and you for the food, conversation, and the coffee. I know we had it out at the end, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be more of what you wanted, but thank you anyway. And you’re not a douchebag or an a**hole. You’re actually a very amazing guy. XOXO